Wrapping it all up...

Well, time to go. I arrived in Beer Sheva a little over two and a half months ago and my time here is coming to an end. Beer Sheva has been good to me. I feel like I have eased my way into Israeli culture, although I am still very much an outsider, through becoming familiar with this small city. The more I think about it, the more I really am going to miss the Gesher, where I do all my grocery shopping and eat lots of toast (not like toast in America, more like a cheese sandwich with lots of veggies toasted) and falafel, and the mall, and the Old City, and the pubs and bars around here. I truly think this is a special place because all the people here are just so nice and warm, and it was a great way to start my time in the country. I know Tel Aviv will be in stark contrast to Beer Sheva, and a part of me already misses the intimacy that this city has and Tel Aviv does not. As a way to conclude our time here, my group had a sort of potluck Shabbat dinner here at the Merkaz. It was wonderful, with lots of different kinds of food and great people. I found it ironic that the Torah portion for this past Shabbat was Lech L'cha, the portion where Abram is called by God to go to a land (Israel) that God will show him. Abram obeys and brings his wife Sarai along with him in this journey (I think they actually do end up in Beer Sheva), and they are bestowed many blessings. Abram and Sarai's names are changed to Abraham and Sarah, and they are given the blessing of a son, Isaac, which they both have wanted for so long. God changes their names as a sign of the covenant now between them, and the father and mother of the Jewish people are founded. There is so much that can be learned from this portion, but it just seemed too obvious to me that my group and people close to me are going through a very similar change. We all came on this journey expecting some change, some connection to the land of Israel to take place within us. I know that no one in my group is the same as when they first arrived here, and we are just beginning to become the people that we will be when we leave. We are about to head out of Beer Sheva and disperse throughout the country, which is going to give us yet another experience in the Land that God bestowed upon us. I know we are all nervous and excited, but ready to make a difference of the lives of the people we will meet. I feel blessed to have this opportunity, and to do it with those I respect and love so much.
Switching gears a bit, after Shabbat this past weekend, Israel memorialized the tenth year since Yitzhak Rabin's assasination. The memorial was held in Tel Aviv in Rabin square, the exact square where he stood to speak about peace and then was shot and killed as he descended the platform. This was the most intense, emotional experience I have had yet in Israel. About two hundred thousand people showed up, and were standing shoulder to shoulder on the streets surrounding Kikar Rabin because there was not enough space for everyone. Just to set the scene, the square was set up EXACTLY as it was ten years ago. The goal of Rabin's daughter was to reenact the night he was killed as precisely as possible. The platform was set in the same place, there were the same baloons surrounding the square, with the same slogans, the same songs sung, and some of the same people spoke. Throughout the ceremony, there were flashbacks to the news reporters commenting on his murder, from the point where he was shot to the moment he passed away, to his funeral. There were musical interludes, with the most talented of Israel's singers, singing songs that either were played at the rally ten years ago, were written after his death, or were loved by him. Some of the most powerful members of the Labor party, Israel's left-wing party in which Rabin was a part of, gave speeches commemorating Rabin and affirming that his vision of a peaceful Middle East has not died. This part of the ceremony served as somewhat of a revitalization of the left in Israel, with Amir Peretz (the new Labor party elected leader) and Shimon Peres (who ran against Peretz and is a veteran of the Labor party) giving speeches during the night. However, the highlight of the evening was the speech given by President Bill Clinton. Pres. Clinton came with Hillary and Chelsea, and I must that that I was incredibly moved seeing him at this event. He spoke about his friendship with Rabin, and how not a week passes by without him missing his friend. He discussed his legacy, saying that the best way to memorialize him would be to take up with work that he died doing for us. Another thing, I was amazed to see the Israeli's reaction to Clinton. They love him. Everybody was completely focused on his every word, and people showed such a reverance for him that it made me really proud to be an American. The most moving thing for me was the conclusion. President Clinton stayed on stage for the concluding song, Shir HaShalom (Song for Peace), which was sung at the end of the rally ten years ago. The lyrics to this song was actually found bloodstained in the pocket of PM Rabin when he died. Hatikva, Israel's national anthem, was played at the end and the camera man kept flashing back to Pres. Clinton who was singing along with us. I almost started crying. I remember the day that Rabin was murdered, and it meant so much to be to be able to stand in the Square with all of Israel to commemorate and pay respects to him. On top of this, Bill Clinton is my favorite president yet, and I am in disbelief that I sang Hatikvah with Bill Clinton in Israel. This ceremony just reminded me yet again of how hard this place is to live in. People sacrifice so much, even their lives, to live out a dream and passion for the betterment of the Jewish people. I am humbled when I try to imagine the magnitude of a sacrifice such as this, and admire people who have the ability to put their passion into their life's work. I am forever grateful to them.
And finally, an update on my personal life. Michael leaves this Thursday, which is sort of symbolic since that is the day I also leave Beer Sheva. I am putting a lot of effort into make the best out of the time I have left with him, but it is still hard for me to live in the moment when I focus so much on the fact that he will be out of my life so soon. I know life isn't fair, and I feel like a baby saying this, but this really isn't fair. I am hurting so much still, but have learned to do what my mom has always taught me. I am becoming a believer. I believe that there is a reason things like this happen, and that something else will come out of it. This mentality is hard for me to completely prescribe to all the time, but most of the time it makes me feel better. I have no idea what the future holds for me, which is exciting yet scary, but I am going to face it with everything I am. I was raised to be a strong person, to find strength within myself and be my own best friend. My strength is bolstered by those around me who are supporting me as I go through this. Why does love hurt so much? I refuse to become jaded by the heartaches and pain, and will not become bitter, but I wonder when it will just stop hurting and all come together like I believe it will. I know there is no clear answer for this, but I am ready to find peace with love in my life. Hopefully, with everything in my life changing right now, I will find the answers I am looking for and be focused yet again on my time here.